Developing an Understanding of the Witness

This may not resonate with everyone but perhaps someone will benefit. And again if I state some of what I go through by using terms that sound dark or scary, just know I have worked through a lot and am not looking for sympathy.
Early on in my abuse by this cult I deal with, I was at a job where an employee, a person who worked with the head of a company working with individuals with traumatic brain injuries, used a hynpnotic technique on me which is based on NLP Neuro Linguistic programming, without consent. It is too complicated to give more of a background but my dissociative disorder was being exploited.

While sitting at a table with other employees, just completely frozen in fear, this individual instructed others around me to “ be careful” with its use on me. The arrogance of this man, to thus day, is hard for me to grasp. But I was not hypnotized, I was watching everything, listening to everything. In fact I can describe every incident in that employment setting which was pure abuse.
What I am thinking about, now, as I listen to some of the Ram Dass meditations on being a witness, is that I was doing some of this via my dissociation since I was a small child. And likely the only reason I am alive. And that although dark stuff that happened to me can be hard , even without details, to hear, the cultivation of the witness is very much at the core of the splitting of the mind to deal with trauma.

So maybe there is some room to consider creating a relationship with that witness, who is me, who is part of the whole. It is tough because this cult manipulated my perceptions to force dissociation on top of my dissociation from childhood. So through Ram Dass, I am almost trying to create a God’s eye view of it all to remove the lies and to come back into myself safely.

One thing I love about him and those who support his teachings and even his guru, is the simplicity of the unconditional love and absence of manipulation and judgements. No one is trying to mold others into a good person or dissuade them from acknowledging the bad feelings. Rather, you are all inviting the reality into a loving space where it can witness itself in order to transform. I really do not have the words to say how unique and important his teachings are. Thank you

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I never formally been told I have PTSD. But years of Body Work @ the end I add MDA one time a month
had to stop after several months it was really mess with My BP @ this point in my life I feel bless & good about my self

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Hello :blush:. I learned about my own PTSD through a workbook I found at a bookstore then was able to seek a formal diagnosis. But you don’t need a diagnosis to recognize yourself as having it. It is just like anything else where you find a tool box through your recognition and identification of the symptoms.

I am glad you have come to a sense of peace through your own work. And I appreciate your listening and sharing.

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