Krishna Das says our hearts have to become as wide as the world. If you had to fit your family in there, how would you make more space? Any tricks for handling that ‘one relative’ with a bit more compassion?"
There’s one major thing that helps me: that’s seeing/imagining that person in their vulnerability. Whether I know about a specific event they went through, maybe as a child, that caused deep hurt and may have influenced how they behave now, or if I just use my imagination… it really doesn’t matter if we know of a specific thing that has hurt them (although that’s helpful for me), just acknowledging the fact that they too are a human who has been hurt, and who experiences pain, instantly brings me more into my compassion for them rather than anger or pity. I find that with one particular family member, my feelings follow a similar arc: anger/deep hurt, then pity, then genuine love and compassion. And I just allow myself to naturally move through these stages.
It’s also really important to acknowledge one’s own needs for boundaries if someone is repeatedly hurting us or showing that they cannot be trusted with our deepest feelings/thoughts, and if needed, taking space from that person for a bit. It might be very difficult to feel compassion for them if we’re still in the thick of the situation that’s upsetting us.