{Ram Dass/Alan Watts Week 3: Day 17} Budding without mistakes

In this week’s lectures, Alan Watts says, “You’ll treat yourself for a while as a cloud or wave and realize that you can’t make a mistake, whatever you do, because even if you do something that seems to be totally disastrous, it’ll all come out in the wash somehow or other. Then through this capacity, you will develop a kind of confidence. Through confidence you will be able to trust your own intuition. Only the thing that you have to be careful about is, and many people who have not understood Zen properly fall into trouble here, is that when they take the attitude that I can’t possibly make a mistake, they over do it, which shows that they don’t really believe it."

And Ram Dass says, “I had to trust the fact that in me is something which knows. Isn’t it too bad that everybody sits up in the steering compartment of the ship, steering the ship and nobody’s down in the hole dancing?" It’s like everybody’s read the Titanic story so often they’re all like looking for the icebergs all day long. The whole ship is up there looking for the iceberg and nobody’s like, "Well, yeah, here we are. I’m a tree. Look at me bud.”

Would your life be different if you trusted your intuitive-knowing more? Trusted the “tree” that you are will bud as it is meant to? Trusted that even the so-called mistakes of life were in harmony? Would it change the way you looked at parts of your past? Would it change the way you move forward?


Intuition is the voice of our angels whispering gems of wisdom that guide us on our path. That’s how I perceived intuition as a young child. I’ve always had a keen sense of intuition, and I always trusted it. As a child, trusting intuition was an essential ingredient to feeling safe in a chaotic and frequently violent environment. I relied on it and clung to it with a death grip. But I didn’t, as a child, perceive intuition as part of me or even emanating from me. I “heard” things through my guardians – “imaginary friends” to the adults. They kept me safe; ergo, they were an integral part of my youth. Unfortunately, I stopped engaging with intuition in my teens, but that’s a different long story.

Long COVID forced me to listen, heed, nurture, nourish and cultivate intuition. It has given me many remedies for unrelenting, untenable physical pain. I prayed for relief; it didn’t come. I prayed for death; it didn’t come. I screamed for relief; the pain worsened. Nothing I did eased the pain.

Out of sheer desperation, I started asking my body repeatedly, “What do you want from me?” At first, I asked in an angry, demanding voice. My body betrayed me. I didn’t expect any answers, but they came when I asked without anger or self-pity – “gems of wisdom” that fell into meditation practices. Divine gifts. For two years, I got regular inputs on what to do to feel better. Sometimes these gems came as definitive answers. “It was the [insert specific food]” that caused the horrific bloating and gastrointestinal pain. “It’s your vagus nerve.” “It’s your spleen.” Other times, I’d observe myself absentmindedly doing something that eased the pain – applying pressure to specific spots, tapping the top of my sternum, tugging at my ear – that led me to see the connections to the many answers I “heard” previously. It’s like a dance between mind and body. The mind gives the background information – spleen, vagus nerve – and the body intuitively translates it to action. And all I have to do is notice. The spots I pressed that relieved pain are along the spleen meridian. I’d never heard of meridians but I accidentally located the one that needed work. Tugging my ear both stimulates the vagus nerve and helps relax the jaw. Tapping my sternum, though, that’s the big one: stimulating the thymus, which is basically the womb of our immune armies. When I started tapping my thymus is when my health finally started improving – after more than three years of utter and constant torture. It’s still a long and difficult process, but I found hope again.

I trust intuition. But what drives intuition? Where does it come from? I submit: It is what we glean from the One when we can relax enough to perceive Oneness. We’re always in it. We’re part of it. We just can’t hear it or sense it because we blocked it off in youth. It never went anywhere. We stopped perceiving. Shhh … you can hear it too, as long as you aren’t trying to hear anything. There’s that pesky paradox. This illness helped me remember how to connect to Oneness. It’s something I practiced regularly during my youth, though I usually took the route of dreams to get there as a child. Now I invoke dream states through meditation so I can dip my toe into that bliss to extricate myself from this new, unfriendly body, if only for a moment. It’s what kept me sane, those brief respites from pain and grief.

Intuition teaches me how to heal – physically, emotionally, spiritually. It also taught me that healing is a whole-person process. We can’t isolate the physical from the emotional and spiritual, just as we can’t separate our minds from our bodies or our spirits from our hearts or our circulatory and respiratory systems. Over the course of my illness, I have walked back through all life’s traumas, physical and emotional. I reconnected to my child. I remember my birth and half a dozen or so previous lives. We are most connected to our formless selves at birth and at death. COVID nearly killed me. And that set me free. It allowed me to dance with Death without fear. And that allowed me to walk back through my life, finding gems of wisdom – blessings, lessons, forgiveness, and grace – in every traumatic event.

Thank you all for Being. Here. Now.


@Pam_Boling Hi Pam, thank you for being so open and vulnerable with us. You doing that helps me to feel less alone, and I’m sure others as well. The way you can articulate something that is ineffable is a beautiful thing. It is amazing how in tune you are to your body, and how cool is it that your body responds? Your body is thankful for your listening it seems.

I hold a lot of fear around judgement. I work on it daily, but it is difficult having stemmed from such a young age. This is the main reason I don’t share as openly as I would like. I also don’t really understand the verbiage needed to articulate what I go through with intuition. So I learned a lot from your post.

You mentioned being able to cultivate dream like intuition through meditation? Can you tell me a little bit more on how you were able to do that?

There is so much amazing knowledge to be learned from each any everyone here in this community especially :heart:

And I’m glad that you are starting to feel better after difficulties. Thank you again for sharing.


My life has become a lot different in learning to trust my intuitive-knowing more. I definitely still have moments when I feel so stressed that I can’t remember my address, but that just shows me the work that needs to be done. In the times when I am more in flow, I feel so in tuned to my intuition. I walk around with this permanent smirk on my face, like I know this big secret that most do not. Really it’s just this inner calm in knowing that I don’t know, and that I’m okay with that. A weird acceptance of life and death and trusting the process. I think that scares people who live for the next distraction in order to cope but I don’t mean for that feeling in others. I want them to be here now as well!

If I were able to trust my intuitive-knowing 100% of the time, I would be much more calm, which would lead to better decisions and success in not second-guessing myself. I would be more confident as well. Being in that total trust of intuition would allow me to have more consistant grace with myself in the present, as well as my past self. This would allow myself to be more present on a daily, and this would allow my free mind to better serve others. All of that time in questioning things could be opened for others. It would allow me to be more forgiving towards others in knowing that it’s all apart of something bigger than us small, egotistical humans.

Consistency of trust in intuitive knowing is my main hurdle at this time. The world is so very loud that I find myself cruising in total trust of this higher knowing than falling off after a series of painful distractions. I can’t prevent that so I’d like to learn to better how to better harness that state of total trust most of the time, rather than just some times.


Judgment is really hard, especially if it comes with a large dose of shame, which it often does. And anything that starts in early childhood is incredibly difficult to work with. Once you learn to embrace and even become intimate with your traumas and fears, you start to find who your true self is, your core, your essence or spirit, however you think of this. You begin to understand your suffering. One of my favorite quotes that has resonated for many years, from Kahlil Gibran: “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” We are all seeking emergence from suffering. And, when we find it, I believe we have a duty to share what we learn with the world. How we do that is our core purpose.

I’ve been trying for two weeks to open up, but I keep bumping into my fear of revealing who I am. I decided during Monday’s dharma talk that I can’t do that any more. Being vulnerable is hard, but it is incredibly rewarding, renewing, liberating when you do.

How I manage to invoke a dream state is to slow my body down. The way to slow your body down is to completely relax, which is hard. Everything is hard, in my experience, but it’s worth every effort and then a lot more. I posted more about this here: {Ram Dass/Alan Watts Week 3: Day 19} Just Us Here - #2 by Pam_Boling


Trying to accomplish a goal is hard, paticularly when it’s someone else’s goal. And if you don’t accomplish it, the shame rolls in.

It’s much easier to simply give yourself permission to explore whatever fascinates you, right here, right now. Then, trying simply transforms into learning, growing, observing, and BEING.


The recognition that bodily feedback loops are universally informed, and that the point of cognition in general is to reach that state of…universally informed-ative-ness… took me out of painful and socially crushing dynamics with all manners of authority figures in the social world, and allowed me to participate comfortably, in flow, with social dynamics for arguably the first time in my adult (which, I hadn’t been an adult long at the time) life.

School/classes began to work…the DMV began to work…things started firing on all cylinders both internally and externally for the first time ever. The great blockage, undone.

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