Seeing beyond the role when others' actions bring you down

Hi everyone! I’m going through the Yoga of Relationships course and RD was talking about opening our hearts to others and going beyond the roles that we’re caught in, to see the One behind the two. I’m curious how others have dealt with this when putting it into practice in daily life, specifically when the actions of others evoke the clinging of your own attachments and aversions. When you’re seeing someone as a soul and then they say or do something that evokes your anger or frustration. Any tips in pushing past your own trained responses to continue to express the love outwardly instead?

1 Like

This usually happens for me at the office. There are so many people caught in their work roles and believe that is who they are. I have a morning ritual that I do before I go to work. I come to work early and sit in my car for about an hour before work. During that time I start off with a 15 to 30 minute guided meditation (usually related to following my breath) and drawing my attention back to the breath. Then for the remainder of the time I will listen to various teachers. Lately I have been listing to Jack Kornfield along with Dharma talks by Buddhist monks. I practice walking meditation as I walk from my car to work and really take my time to appreciate what I’m doing in the moment throughout the day. With all that said, it is usually enough for me to guard my mind from unwanted behaviors from the people around me. If someone does start to make me angry, then I will stop and focus on that anger. Observe it for what it is. Invite it in as an old friend that has come to take care of me. I have a beautiful conversation in my head about embracing and loving that emotion, letting it know that I love it and appreciate it coming to take care of me, but then let it go on its way because I am okay. I also do my best to stay consciously aware that everyone at work struggles with their emotions, and most of them don’t practice taking care of their minds like we do. I feel deep compassion for them and send them love instead of hate.

I have a few sayings that I practice every day:

  • Find beauty in every person I meet and every place I go.
  • Be kind to myself and others.
  • Give my love and attention to each person that I meet.
  • Love someone that doesn’t deserve it.

Hi Joe, I would not push past your anger and of frustration. Feel it and be with it. This is very human of us and Ram Dass speaks about our humanity, in fact thats what makes us divine.

I just feel it and know that it is part of me but not all of me and go on to the next thing. Journaling and voicing it has helped me immensely. And we don’t have to like people and it is okay but we can love people. A wise person once said “we are them and they are us” It takes practice and it is a journey, so be gentle with yourself.

So I feel, go onto the next thing or sit or yell or write or cry if I need to and let the energy move thru me. I hold space for myself so I am better for holding space for others without taking on their crap. I have also found communication is important. Asking questions if need be Or asking them if they need support and of course they will react the way they do and it has nothing to do with me. hope this helps Joe! Good Luck

1 Like

There’s some great comments here, to your question. I would add, that I also follow don Miguel Ruiz 5 agreements, Be impeccable with your word, Don’t take anything personally, Don’t make assumptions, Always do your best, and Be skeptical but learn to listen. Not taking things personally and/or not making assumptions are particularly applicable to many situations and remembering that we and everyone else is always doing the best we can at that particular moment in time.